i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
