don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
