tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
