your thong is hanging out like whoa
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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