John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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