I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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