Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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