Whod you bang
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
