How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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