Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
