I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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