i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
