And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I die, sorry about rent.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
