I wish my penis had an off switch
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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