Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
