Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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