Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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