Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
