So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
