How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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