Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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