I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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