walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
