Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
farters have to be the big spoon...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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