I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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