So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
