It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
