last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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