Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
