this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
