At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
