Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
