I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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