I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
