You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
