Is it normal to miss your booty call?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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