The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
