If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
