Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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