she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
