jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
