When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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