ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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