What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
