Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
