In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
