Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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