He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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