someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
