just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
