I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Randomize
