I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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