First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
